hot pants and blatantly false advertisements

Hey folks!

2017 is near and i have to say it feels bizzarre to think that I started this blog in 2013. So much has happened since. The good, the bad, and the ugly. All the things. Some validated the course I am on and others led me to recalibrate. Writing, literature, and poetry will always be very close to my heart. Always.

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R.I.P. Alan Rickman

And I will always want to share my thoughts with you and read yours. Because what are we doing here if not share and exchange and enjoy the experience of sentient existence?

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Pictured above: the black void we might be screaming into

That being said, I have changed heaps since the early days of writing challenges and NaPoWriMos. I loved feeling like I contributed to the world of poetry. Even then I knew my pieces weren’t gems nor works of genius.

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It’s not like I invented and built a real-life exoskeleton like this dude did.

But I loved it anyway. It helped me deal with emotions, thoughts, and experiences, the positive and the negative kind, still continues to do so to the day. It’s a hobby that allows you to reflect on yourself. Like a yoga class meditation without the person next to you snoring loudly. It’s self-refective happiness.

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You know, a kind of happiness that doesn’t require you to pose awkwardly with perfect strangers for shutterstock pictures.

What I’m trying to say – obviously with too many words and pictures – is that I am going to change the course of this blog a bit. I’m about to move to a different continent, I continue to work with music and creative humans, I am happy and excited about this new chapter of my life.  I might weed out some of my old, outdated entries and revamp this blog.

Unknown.jpegA process that may or may not end in an overjoyed surf jumping sequence after a very tasteful training/makeover montage

I’m not entirely sure what it’s going to look like or focus on. There are just so many things I want to talk about and am passionate about. Could be music, but it feels like i already got that covered at nauseam.

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@nauseam I tell you

Might be traveling, comic books, shows, movies, my favorite tree houses, what have you. Might be a combination of all of the above. I’ll do some serious soul searching and come up with something for ya!

Until then I hope you all are well! Stay classy

cheers, Linda

 

Oh and apologies to those of you who came here expecting to see pictures of hotpants. Here’s that Rocky screen shot for you again.

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#hotpants
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A tale with two tails

I guess that we only ever see that all the people we’ve hurt were too good for us at that time once we realise that we’re too good for that one that hurt us. 
I know the sorry is too late. Explanations won’t change things. Reasons won’t fix this. There is no way any words will ever be enough. And I’ll probably never mean them near enough to mean anything. 
The truth is ugly, nobody wants to face it. 

Sometimes you just don’t appreciate the people that love you enough because you’re longing for someone else, something bigger, waiting for something more than what you’ve got. 
It’s stupid. 
It’s human. 
Even the kindest people do it.

The most gentle hearted ones of us have the faculty to destroy others in cold blood.  

With or without intent. 

With or without awareness even.
Sometimes because we can’t see what’s right in front of our nose. 

Sometimes because we are just as twisted as deep within the darkest corners of our brains we always feared we might be. 

Sometimes simply because life changes and emotions fade.

 

All I ever wanted was for you to see that I’m worth your time. Now I know that you were never worth mine in the first place.
I hate that only in the face of yours i see my own cruelty clearly. 

I hate that only now I realise what I’ve done. Who I can be. What I’m capable of. 
I hate myself for the pain I’ve caused. The elusiveness. The promises I made that I never really thought meant anything real to anyone. Not to you and certainly not to me. Not in the long run anyway. They were but dreams said out loud. Wishes shrouded in intent. I wanted them to be true at the time because I wanted you and I to mean something to me. For us to be that bigger thing I knew we weren’t. To be what I waited for. To be the depiction and not reality.
I know it means nothing, but I am sorry.
I know that my desire for atonement is selfish and triggered by my own hurt more than any of the hurt I’ve cause. I know I can be cruel now only because you were my mirror. The ugly reflection that keeps me up at night. tortures me. I know I will heal. I hope I will be better. I want to be better. I know I will be better.
But even now this confession is a tale with two tails. The sorry and the be sorry. The victimiser and the victim in all of us. The reckless and the wreck. 
I know you won’t ever think I’m the bigger thing, the something else, the someone more. 

I know I’ll eventually stop thinking that we were that thing worth fighting for. I’ve already stopped trying. I’m no longer waiting for you to change your heart. 

Walk on Water

I’m treading water

Whenever I think of you

And the way you walked away from me

 

It was nighttime full moon low above the skyline of the end of the world lazily, softly curling waves instead of loudly buzzing concrete haze

A gull or two black against the stars maybe upside-down like king’s herons, like cut out copies of their daytime selves

My skirt heavied by the salt and sea liking up my legs

You would turn saddened and blue to walk on water like glass like ice like the bard of the end of times you’d sing me a lullaby to ease the pain and tell me you’d always love me you’d always care and how the time had come to part ways

And I wouldn’t be fine though I’d know it’s for the best

I’d say I would go and find that alternate universe where we’d work out where you’d always stay where there’s always love and never leave and I would stay there for all time to come

You’d smile your crooked loving smile and say you’d meet me there

You’d turn and walk on water like glass like ice like the waves were yours and they’d come to take you away the last of your kind the brave and the good and the fair

And I’d walk I’d run I’d tread water to get to you

But the currents would be on your team and the salt and the sea would splash around me draw me back and drag me away

I’d fight to reach you but you’d walk on water like glass

I’d scream your name and curse the wind

You’d turn around say you’d never live through one single day not thinking of me you’d say you had to leave and you’d turn and walk on water like glass and you’d hum my song quietly breaking my heart as yours would break too

I’d fight and I’d cry and never reach your silhouette against the silver moon and never wrap my arms around you not even one last time and you’d walk and weep for the love we’d lost we were not able to hold on to and you would be brave and good and fair for all times and as you’d miss me day in day out for the rest of your life I would miss you we’d find new loves and would have learned to hold on to them and we’d remember and reminisce our time together and we’d be fine and happy in our new loves and lives

And the gulls would pass above our heads every silvery full moon high above the gently curling sea were the skyline is the surf and the air sounds like the sweetest salt and we’d be cut-out copies of our long past selves in the love we’d lost and we’d walk the water like glass like ice on our separate ways forever entwined by the end of the world.

 

But, it never happened that way. You’re not brave and good and fair. You are a coward. You couldn’t face me to say you didn’t want to stay.